Mobile Loaves & Fishes Blog

The Passion of Christ Playing Out Daily for the #Homeless

Ann Andree co-journey’s with folks on the street at The Gateway, a 108 bed men’s shelter and community drop-in in Toronto, Canada. (http://www.thegateway.ca) On a really good day, Ann gets to play a part in some of her homeless friends journey beyond homelessness as supervisor of counselling services. She is a member of the Wine Before Breakfast community that Brian Walsh pastors at the University of Toronto. This sermon was written for that community.

Introduction

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, Oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

My dear brothers and sisters, in reading this passage, we have just entered into a sacred space and joined Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane.  It is my prayer that we are able to journey deeper together into the dark groves of Gethsemane.  It is my prayer that we come to understand together, the abandonment Christ experienced in the garden alone.

Joe

There are few people in our broken world who are better able to connect with Christ in his moment of complete abandonment that our friends experiencing homelessness on the streets.  Few people know better then these folks what it is like to die, desolately abandoned by everyone who has ever been important to you.  For those of you who don’t know, Dion, Jake and I have the privilege of walking alongside these folks experiencing homelessness at the Gateway-- a 108 bed shelter, which too often is considered home to men who have been cut off from every other segment of society, many of whom have long since been abandoned by friends and family.  It breaks my heart when yet another person has no emergency contact to give me, no one who would know if they were dead or alive. It breaks my heart when yet another person is dying in a cold, white-washed hospital room with nobody to sit by their bedside, just to be and to face death alongside of them. It breaks my heart, when, for the third time in three months, we have held a funeral for yet another person on the streets because, somehow, shelter staff have become the closest to family that these individuals have had.  Folks on the streets, they get loneliness and abandonment profoundly.  They know what it is like to die alone.  They truly get the lonely journey Christ was on to the cross.

Two weeks ago, a man who I hadn’t seen for two years walked into my office.  We’ll call him Joe.  He walked in, shoulder slumped, eyes to the ground, feeling trapped by the circumstances that surround him.   Not unlike Christ, he is in the court system, trapped by conditions placed on him by a judge who doesn’t even know him.  A talented tradesman, he has a criminal record and cannot find meaningful work.  His family?  He has a son--somewhere--but his wife has long since left him, taking their son with her.  Joe refuses to call a dingy, dark room in a crack house his new home--which is virtually the only thing he can afford on social assistance. Joe sees living on the streets in a sleeping bag the best option out of a limited few available to him.  When Joe walked into my office, he stated in an uncharacteristically flat affect that if he could not find even a glimmer of hope out of his situation, then he would create a suicide plan.  I said to him that I would be devastated if that was his ultimate decision.  He said he needed to do what he needed to do. In other words, if death was what brought hope to him, that was the path he would take.

My dear community, the passion story, like the streets, is not a romantic drama unfolding.  It is dark, dangerous and desolate.

Mark 14:32-52

Moving from the streets of Toronto to the passion story in Jerusalem, we find that Jesus has just finished the last supper with his disciples, warning them—and perhaps even reminding himself-- that they would all desert him.  And all of them denied His words.  Peter--always the rash Rock, boisterously brave after all that wine from the Last Supper says he’ll stick by Christ.  Together, they walked to the Garden of Gethsemane, and the dark groves enveloped them.  Christ, as God, knew he was journeying into the heart of darkness, the chilling climax.  But now, Christ, as human, was experiencing the cold reality of the journey.  And the journey was terrifying.  Mark says, “And sorrow overtook him and his was filled with grief”.  Take a moment to let these words drag you into this unfolding terror: Deep, dark tumultuous suffering.  Anguish. Genuine horror.

That Christ began in the Garden of Gethsemane on his final part of the journey to the cross it is significant. Humans were once expelled from the Garden of Eden, sentenced to live in the mess we made, and now, the one human who had proven himself worthy of living in the Garden of Eden enters into the darkness of the Garden of Gethsemane.  But instead of finding full communion in the Garden, Christ finds betrayal and abandonment.   It all fell apart in the original garden.  And now, our hope for redemption was beginning in this garden. 

That said, despite our hope for redemption, darkness still covered the Garden of Gethsemane.  At this point in the journey to the cross, there was no sigh of relief for the dawning of our redemption yet.  In the Garden of Gethsemane, we humans were not out of the woods of our broken world yet-- because alongside Christ’s mission of redemption was temptation: could Christ drink the cup?  Do you remember, when, at the beginning of Christ’s ministry, he had been tempted in the desert three times, and three times he had chosen to trust his father and remain obedient?  As Brian pointed out to me, in Mark, unlike any of the other gospels’ renditions of the temptation passage, the phrase, “And then Satan left him” is conspicuously absent in that first chapter, suggesting that throughout his whole ministry, Christ had been struggling with temptation-- precariously, carefully journeying towards the cross without falling.  One wrong move and humanity’s hope for getting out of this mess we’re in would be shattered into trillions of unfixable pieces.  And here, in the garden, began Christ’s final temptation:   Would he be able to drink this cup?

Precisely because the temptation to give up the cup was so utterly terrifying, because the journey ahead was so dark and desolate, Christ had no other option but to go before his abba, father, placing his trust in Him.  He prayed. Communion with his father was the only way that he would not fall into temptation and give up on the redemption plan.  It’s a Catch-22/a paradox, however, because the temptation to have the cup taken from him arises precisely from a place of utter trust in his Father-- and knowing that there will come a point on this journey when the Father will leave him.  William Lane, in his commentary says, “The dreadful sorrow and anxiety, then, out of which the prayer for the passing of the cup springs, is not an expression of fear before a dark destiny, nor a shrinking from the prospect of physical suffering and death.  It is rather the horror of the one who lives wholly for the Father at the prospect of the alienation from God which is entailed in the judgment upon sin which Jesus assumes.”

The answer to the question “Would Jesus be able to drink this cup?” is yes.  Not unlike Joe, Jesus knew that hope could only come through his death.  For Joe, however, his hope was in death in and of itself to stop the pain of his broken world.  For Christ, his hope was not death, but to go beyond death, so that people like Joe could cling to the hope of life being better than the brokenness we see.  And there was no other option, no other way except to drink the cup.  It’s another Catch-22/paradox: Christ must die forsaken in order that we might live in hope.

The journey towards hope, towards redemption, is a journey dependent upon prayer.  Christ modeled that for his disciples and for us in his darkest hours.  Christ, even in his darkest hour yet, yearns for his disciples to have the same relationship with the Father in the midst of suffering and trial.  He knows that they too will be facing temptations: temptations to abandon, betray and deny within hours.  And Christ knows that the only way that they will be able to stay awake in the midst of such temptation is to pray.  But we know how the story goes: instead of prayer, Peter, James and John fall asleep on him.  Not once-- but three times, Christ asks them to stay awake with him.  Were they not able to see how distressed Jesus was?  Staying awake to pray was a simple task, compared to the politics, the beatings, the humiliations which hadn’t even begun yet.  The first time Jesus finds Peter, James and John asleep, his response is critical: “Simon, do you sleep?  Did you not have the strength to stay awake one hour?  Stay awake and pray that you might not enter into temptation; the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Notice that Jesus reverts back to Peter’s old, pre-disciple name, Simon.  Peter, The Rock, who, that same evening, had rashly and courageously vowed to stand by Jesus, no matter what, is being harshly stripped of the name given to him when he became a disciple.  Here, Jesus was reminding his disciples that the only way to face the trials ahead was to pray, to place trust in God.

Not only was he reminding his disciples to pray, he was also asking that they stay awake with him.  He has said earlier over supper in no uncertain terms that he was heading towards death and betrayal.  And they were falling asleep. It is certainly a very despairing situation to be in to know that the very folks you are planning to save are falling asleep on you when you quite obviously look distressed.  But it got worse.  From the passive, sleepy abandonment of Peter, James and John to the active, deliberate betrayal of Judas.  Judas kisses Christ.  A political arena unfolds.  And things got even worse: the disciples, unprepared for that which Christ had prepared them for, abandoned Christ.  He was alone.  Completely abandoned.  And it is with this shame of abandonment of Christ that the church enters into Maundy Thursday next week.

Let’s return to the story of Joe. A week after Joe had informed me that he might choose suicide as his route, he walked into my office, and, although he was not boisterous, he stood with resolve and told me that he had decided to move forward rather than choose suicide.  When I asked what had prompted that decision, he simply said, “You said you would be devastated.” Joe needed someone who would be willing to walk with him on his dark and difficult journey.   That’s human.  Christ, as human and as God, wanted his disciples—his friends-- to walk alongside him too.

My dear brothers and sisters, Maundy Thursday is approaching.  Traditionally, Maundy Thursday is a time when the church stays awake to pray in order to make up for what the disciples lacked when they fell asleep. We have a second chance to return to Christ in the dark Garden of Gethsemane to make up for the disciples’ abandonment. While we cannot go back to the Garden of Gethsemane, there are those in our midst who have been abandoned, like Joe, and we must begin in prayer—just as Christ began in prayer-- if we are to move towards walking alongside of them on their journey.

May we enter into Maundy Thursday in prayer, rather than in the shame of our abandonment of Christ.   May we enter into Maundy Thursday in prayer just as Christ taught us through his actions in the garden and when he told the disciples to pray.  May we--in trust, prayer and submission to the father’s perfect will--walk alongside those in our midst who have been abandoned like Christ was abandoned. Insofar as we stay awake to pray on Maundy Thursday, let us not lose sight of the fact that Christ says, “Whatever you do the least of these, you do unto me” and remember that we are called to be moved from prayer into action in Remembrance of Christ.

The journey, although sacred, is dark.  May we have the courage that Simon Peter lacked to drink from the cup that offers hope and to eat the bread that sustains us in our journey.

What It Felt Like To Be #Homeless: A Word From Gary M.

For me, it was a sense of not belonging to the rest of society, not being a part of the world others seemed to enjoy living in. Shame and loneliness created fear and loathing of what I was and what I would become, not to mention what others thought of me, or fear of who I may be confronted by.

These may seem as character defects, or personal traits, that are evident in a lot of people within society, but the homeless definitely live in the proverbial “Glass Houses” within plain view of society. Quite possibly, this may be the reason most of the homeless population wanders far from their “homes”.
For me that was not the case since I had lived and worked in Austin, Texas for the previous 25 yrs., before I finally surrendered to whatever it was that caused me to become homeless.

I met homeless who were there, “on the streets”, because of the loss of a relationship (wife, husband, parent), loss of economic security (job, the house, funding for school), lack of social, physical, and mental ability to deal with life on life’s terms in this society; and, like me, the inability to deal with life because of the disease of addiction to alcohol or drugs. Not everyone is an addict when they become homeless, but “if you hang around a barbershop long enough your bound to get a haircut”. I have met individuals, who are by trade civil and electrical engineers, schoolteachers, business management and department heads, and civil and construction engineers (some with degrees and licenses). There are gourmet chefs and world-class musicians living “on the street”.

On the day of Thanksgiving after the loss of my father, I found myself sitting on the street corner where I “worked” holding a sign feeling lonely and sorry for myself, as tears flowed. There was not much traffic driving by and those that did I knew were going to spend the day with family and friends of which I thought I had none. As I continued to sulk and cry for fear of not making the money I thought I would need to supply my “medicine”, my drug of choice in my addiction, I spoke to the God of my understanding of my fears and I feel He spoke to me. I heard Him say, “You are always crying to me for help, but as I have never denied you in times of need I need you to help me show others the love I have for everyone.”
 
From that point forward, I lived another two years on the street and carried a small Bible which I read daily before praying each morning. Some nights, when the light was available under the bridge, I would read and share it with others. Another practice I began, afterward, was allowing the Lord to place on my heart what words would be displayed on the cardboard sign I would hold that day and no longer attempting to influence passers by to give me money out of sympathy or humor. This practice kept me in the practice of reading wherever God led me in His book. I found a lot of people looked anxiously for what I printed and some even thank me for displaying what they needed to hear that day. Sharing it with others kept me close to Him with the Hope that I would find a solution to overcome my situation of homelessness and life of addiction.

I met Alan Graham, for the first time, in December of 1999. He, along with a few others had just began a ministry of reaching out and bringing to the homeless the items they felt they would need to survive another day. The ministry called Mobile Loaves and Fishes, from what I understand, was a calling from the Lord, to Alan, to help God help others truly in need. This last period of homelessness for me from 2005-08, I had been sleeping in the woods off of the side of a major interstate highway where I “panhandled” to support myself. In 2006 I noticed one of Alan’s trucks pull onto the corner of the feeder road up on the grass. As I approached the truck, I recognized Alan with a group of volunteers as they passed out food items, drinks, and some toiletries. I had recently seen an article about a program they had begun called “Habitat On Wheels” and as Alan greeted me, the manipulative mind of the addict spoke out and said, “Alan, I’ll tell you why I am out here. I am an addict and can’t get a job because I can’t get off drugs, because I need someplace to lie down while suffering from withdrawals, I can’t bathe or keep clean clothes, and besides I am a convicted drug felon and no one will rent to me anyway. So, I feel as if I could be a productive member of society if I just had a place to live.” Alan smugly, but in a positive manner, replied, “Brother, I think I can help you out with a place to live and something to eat, but first you have to get off the drugs and find a means of support.”

Feeling I had given it my best shot, and knowing at least I had been honest with him, this turned out to be an honest and respectful friendship. Alan continued to frequent “my corner” and when he would introduce me to new volunteers he would ask me to tell them the same thing I had shared with him. One afternoon Alan introduced me to a couple that volunteered and asked me to tell them why I was homeless. I shared with David Shiflet and Kay Dalton that “I was an addict and didn’t like it, but that was what I was.” David, who spoke and appeared to be of an intelligent, decent stature mentioned, “I know a little about addiction. Somebody close to me suffered much the same as you and today he has been clean and sober for two years.” Kay cheerfully agreed and as they handed me the items they had to offer I responded, “Thank you, but I wish they would carry toilet tissue on these trucks.” Kay laughed and David suggested I grab a pair of the shoes someone had donated. I said that’s alright, you don’t have any to fit me. David, looking confused said, “How do you know?” after telling him nobody ever had extra shoes to fit me because I wear a size 13 or 14, he said, “I bet I do.” Looking confused myself, I asked what he meant and he said, “I wear a size 13 myself and I’ll bring them tomorrow on my lunch break, and the toilet tissue!” I heard promises of people returning many times and thought no more of it until, the next day around noon when David and Kay pulled up behind me as I held my sign on the corner. Hearing their honk and recognizing them, I walked over and David handed me a pair of size 13 Tennis Shoes that I sentimentally still own today. They also brought the tissue and a few other items and I felt guilty when David handed me $20. I said, “You know what I do with this.” He said, “That’s why you said you were out here, and here is my personal phone number in case there is anything else we can do for you.”

Within two weeks I had made a decision that I would not be able to continue living in addiction and on the streets. I cried again, this time telling my God I would not make it much longer and I needed help. The very next morning, while searching through a tattered wallet, I found David’s number. I called his cell phone and left a similar message. I also emailed Alan telling him the same. In less than 24 hrs, Kay pulled up again to “my corner” and asked, “Where were you last night? We had a bed for you at the Austin Recovery Drug Treatment facility.” Had was all I heard, and thought I had blown my chance to get out of this mess when Kay said, “We have one for you tomorrow, if you still want it.” With a joyous cry of relief I responded yes, and Kay informed me to be at that spot, that night, and she had already rented a hotel room for me to sleep comfortably my last night before I entered treatment.

After Kay picked me up that evening and I entered the hotel room, I dropped to my knees and cried in gratitude to my God for doing for me what I could not do for myself. I thanked Him that He had placed people in my life that cared enough about others to seemingly “go out of their way” to help. And at that point I decided I was willing to do whatever it took to get off drugs, live in a home like others, and become a productive member of society.

It has not been easy, but it was made a lot simpler knowing that God has placed, in the hearts of others, the love and compassion to reach out and help. David and Kay have been personally responsible for helping at least seven or eight other individuals off the streets and into homes. And if it was not for the ministry of Mobile Loaves and Fishes reaching out to where these people are located and providing the “Human Connection”, many would not know anyone cares. I call these individuals who help my angels, because God placed them in my life.

As Kay and I drove from that corner October 31,2008 she pointed to the setting sun and we prayed together that would be the last sunset I would have to see living on the streets, holding a sign, and addicted to using drugs. Since that day, I have been drug and alcohol free. Today I work a full time position and support myself, while helping others. Today, I live in a home provided by the Mobile Loaves and Fishes Habitat on Wheels program and have a sense of community, of belonging. Today I am not lonely and do not fear because I know, my God will provide for me and I continue to share with others the Love He has for us all. None of this would have occurred if someone had not reached out to me and shared the Love God has to give.

A Word From Gary: It Took 12 Steps...

…. a few angels to help me discover the most joy and more happiness than I have ever known in my life. Some may consider that a far stretch, considering my 53 years of existence. With 40 years of it involving some type of substance abuse in one form or another, it may not seem so unreal.
My name is Gary M. and I am a grateful, recovering Heroin Addict.
    That happiness I found started with a seemingly small step of honesty, admitting I was powerless over the disease of addiction and it had made my life a living insanity. Powerless yes; I knew I needed to quit a long time before but I could not so I had surrendered to the fact that I was an addict and would continue to use until I died. Insanity for sure; Addiction had deceived me into a feeling of worthlessness – “Nobody cared, anymore. No one would surely hire an addict like me.”, “I’m tired of hurting everyone so I’ll just kill myself so they don’t hurt anymore.”, ”Jails and prison just come with the territory.”, “Well if I couldn’t get any of that right, I may as well just live on the streets. Without rent to pay I would afford more dope!” These thoughts and more had consumed Eighty percent of my life.
    The second step involved being open-minded that something “Greater than me” could restore some sense of sanity to my life. I had recognized and spoken to a God of my understanding since adolescence and everything I was taught or experienced said He was able to make miracles occur. I felt a miracle was what it would take before I could remain clean and sober without restraint.
    Standing on a corner where I panhandled upwards of $150/day, tears fell down my cheeks as I became willing to let go of my self-will and my life as I knew it, I took my third step to recovery asking my God to take my life and show me His will for it. In the last 16 months, I have had to repeat these three steps many times, always telling myself and God – I am powerless, He could change me, and I would let Him.
    I had to do a little work to figure out what and why I was like I was. I took a fourth step and looked at people, places, and things in my life, which continually bugged me to the point of fear or not caring. Some of the fault may have been placed in my life by those things, but why had I allowed it to happen? Why had God let it happen? I discovered I had, but He had not. He had given me a working brain and conscience and the free will to make my own decisions. I looked at the part I had played into making my decisions and accepted where I had been wrong.
    So, for my fifth step, I admitted to myself, my God, and another recovering addict what I had seen and discovered about myself and why I thought it played a part in my addiction. This was not an easy task when my entire life I had blamed others for my self-deceit, bad breaks, and insane lifestyle.
    The sixth step I took, I admitted to my God I was ready for Him to have all of me, good and bad. For a seventh step I asked Him to remove what I had seen caused the bad in me. Simple yes, but the human nature is wired for a fight or flight survival mode and some of these things may take a little time to discard. But I was ready and I admitted it.
    I took my eighth step with the list of persons I felt I had harmed and admitted I was willing to do whatever it took not to ever use drugs again, even if that meant making amends to them all. For my ninth step, I made those direct amends, sometimes reluctantly, unless I felt it would harm them or someone else more.
    My tenth step requires I continually take a look at my character defects, which had kept me in addiction, and if I feel they have caused personal conflict with others I promptly admit it to myself, God, and them.
    Today, and almost everyday for the last sixteen months, I pray and meditate to my God and ask Him to let me know His will for me and the strength to carry it out. My eleventh step consists of this daily routine often praying to Him to “Take me where You want me to go; Let me meet who You want me to meet; and place the words on my lips You want me to say to them.”, humbly asking Him to “take my will and my life, teach me how to live and to guide me in my recovery.” - (My third step prayer) Like I said before, I have to continually go back to those first three steps. I can’t do this myself, but with His help I can.
    Having experienced this Spiritual Awakening by taking these other steps, my twelfth step allows me to share the message of my recovery with those still suffering and, whether they decide to try it or not, it helps me continue to stay clean and sober by practicing these principles in my everyday life. This may sound like a lot of work, but it’s simple if these steps are taken slowly “One Step at a Time”. “Simply Baby Steps.” Keeping it simple and not making it difficult. There are literally millions, like me, who have taken these same steps and are willing to hold a hand while others learn to walk the walk. We do this because somebody did it for us.
    Those angels I mentioned are real. I met Alan Graham many years ago, and when I told him I “had a problem” and could he help, his response was, “He could help but first I had to take care of what created the problem –get sober. Then I needed to become self-supportive in order to afford a normal lifestyle. After that, he could assist me in finding a solution to the problem of no place to call home.” Alan Graham is an angel in my eyes; to many homeless he would be nominated for sainthood. Alan helped start an organization that assists homeless, and others in need, to receive the basics necessary to stay alive while in this world. St. Alan, I don’t believe that name has been taken. His organization uses many volunteers to visit and help distribute basic food and supplies to the homeless.
    I met Kay Dalton and David Shiflet, two of those volunteers, about one week before I began to take my steps. As I shared with them what I felt had caused me to become homeless, my addiction, they shared how someone close to them had taken twelve steps and recovered from similar circumstances. Kay and David returned the next day, giving me some personal items and their personal phone number if I needed anything more. I believe that was God letting me know he was sending me angels to help if I was willing to allow, all I would have to do is call and ask. A week later I had made a decision and I made that call and asked for help. Within 24 hours, God had sent those angels back and they held my hand as I took my first steps to recovery. Today, I thank God for sending those angels because I believe they helped me save my life and find that aforementioned happiness and joy. If God has angels on this earth, Kay and David are two of them. I have witnessed them as guardian angels over many of God’s creatures. They are also my closest friends.
    I mentioned the millions, like me, who are willing to hold a hand as others try to take these steps. God gave me another angel, an addict like me, that for conditions of anonymity I’ll just call “Tj”. Tj has shared he has not been perfect in his walk to recovery, but he had a desire to live his life differently and free from addiction. He was willing to do whatever it took to gain that and, by the grace of God, he has shared with me how he did it and I am truly grateful to God for sending him to show me “How it works” for him. I listen to his advice and suggestions, and again reluctantly sometimes, follow it because I feel my God has gifted me with him as an angel of recovery.
    Please, if you are an addict like me or afraid you could be, understand I tried several times to quit using drugs but I had no choice. In my DNA I am an addict. Choices are made for ice cream, clothing, and friends; all of which you can change your mind if you decide you don’t like the flavor, color, or personality. If you are an addict like me, it will take a decision to allow yourself to accept you have a progressive fatal disease that cannot be cured, but it can be treated. Cancer, HIV, and Addiction never go away but treated properly, a seemingly normal life can be had while we are still in this world.
     I told you, my God can perform miracles and if you knew the rest of my story you would agree – 16 months clean and sober, for an addict like me, is a miracle. My God loves every creature He has created in this world. He loves an addict like me, and He loves an addict like you. Just let Him, and let Him place angels in your life to hold your hand while you take a few simple, baby steps. Whether you are still suffering or not, I love you too. Join with me as I pray to my God to “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. To be able to change those things I can in my life. And the wisdom to know the difference.” Receive His blessings, He loves you.

                            

~  Gary M. – Date of Sobriety 11/01/08 ~

Did I Wash the Feet of a Saint? Duane Severance Pastor to the #Homeless

On January 7th Duane Severance was killed in a single car single occupant accident. His untimely death provoked within the Austin community a lot of emotions.  Duane is married to Brandy and they have three children and another on the way due February 14th.  Duane was the pastor to the homeless on the streets of Austin, Texas. After reflecting on his death for some time I offer the following thoughts.

 Duane and I began to be aware of each other probably in 1999 or 2000 when Church Under the Bridge was getting started and my parish was contemplating taking on adopting CUB for one week per month.  That never came to fruition but as we were building Mobile Loaves & Fishes we frequently encountered Church Under the Bridge on our Sunday runs.  It was wonderful to watch such a diverse group of people all gather to worship the Lord; black, white, brown, male, female, rich, poor, homeless, mentally ill, addicts, disabled, trans gendered, gay you name it and it was there mostly in harmony.  Truly amazing to watch.  At the helm was Duane Severance, Pastor to these brothers and sisters each made in His image.  Makes me think of Acts 2:42 and on when the church was just getting off the ground after the death of Christ.

But it was in May of 2003 when I REALLY met Duane.  I had organized Mobile Loaves & Fishes' first Street Retreat (www.mlfnow.org/streetretreat). This retreat was 72 hours and is a one on one retreat between the retreatant and God with our retreat center being the wall-less streets of downtown Austin.  We had heard while out on the streets that there was a bible study held in East Austin on Tuesday nights where one could grab a meal and a place to sleep while also entering into some powerful praise and worship.  When asked where this place was no one knew; all they could tell us is that if you go to the corner of Congress Avenue and 7th street at around 5:30 a little pickup truck would come and pick you up.  Several of us decided to go.  Standing on the corner kind of felt like Pinocchio waiting to go to Pleasure Island.

The evening was phenomenal to say the least!  I will never forget it.  The music, the bible study, the teaching, the fellowship and the community of broken brothers and sisters all worshiping together.  It was transforming to say the least.  Duane and I grew in solidarity to our missions but clearly on differing paths.  There was a mutual respect for each other.

Since that time I have facilitated a whole bunch of Street Retreats.  Nearly 200 people have participated and now we always do our 72 hour retreat beginning at 5:00 on Palm Sunday and ending on Wednesday.  Almost always we end up at the Tuesday night bible study which since its inception has been moved to the New York Avenue Christian Center near 12th and Chicon.  As of about six months ago because Duane needed a change of pace and moved to West Texas the bible studies ended.

Well, a few years ago one of our veteran retreatants Judy Knotts (read this article in the American Statesman) had the idea that we should wash the feet of the homeless while at the Tuesday night bible study.  Since we are out during Holy Week it makes sense to do this.  In the Catholic Church we celebrate Holy Thursday and the institution of the priesthood.  This institution begins with Jesus' washing the feet of the disciples.  Very powerful!  Now Judy wants to bring this celebration to the homeless.  Quietly, I am reluctant as I try not have any "agenda" while out on the streets; only doing what God calls us to do at any given time.  I am glad I was quiet on this; not normal for me.

So here we are at the New York Avenue Christian Center on a Tuesday evening of Holy Week praising the Lord and the time came for the ceremonial washing of the feet.  The crowd was stunned that we wanted to do this and some were ashamed.  Ashamed because the condition of their feet was something that we did not anticipate.  Our feet for the most part were nice and soft and free of callouses and crevices.  We could afford quality foot care; a fresh clean pair of socks everyday; a bath everyday.  Heck some of us (women particularly) could afford regular pedicures. Not the homeless.  No siree! As anyone involved in going out on a Mobile Loaves & Fishes truck knows socks are the single most popular item on the trucks.

It is hard to describe the condition of these feet.  Some were so injured that you questioned the sanity of even touching them.  But here we were girding ourselves as Jesus did and committing to something that we had to fulfill.  For all of us this was a powerful moment.  People were weeping and crying.  The presence of the Holy Spirit in that room that night was palpable.  Emotions were running on high.

The plan was to wash the feet of those who were homeless; to let them know that we were, as Jesus, there to serve them. We did not understand that it would be important for them to wash our feet but that is precisely what happened.  More weeping and crying!

What was remarkable and providential was that I was about to wash the feet of Duane's and he mine.  At the time I weighed nearly 330 pounds so getting down much less back up was difficult.  As I went down on a knee I gently needed to support myself by leaning onto his knee.  As I came closer to the ground his feet began to come into focus.  Now understand that Duane rarely was seen wearing anything but flip flops; no socks and no supportive shoes.  I on the other hand always wore socks and I am disciplined about having a high quality supportive tennis shoe.  I, because of my weight, battled diabetes.  Foot care was essential.  My feet were soft and without callouses. Duane's feet on the other hand were the feet of a true servant; the feet of someone who lived simply and with profound Gospel focused purpose.  Duane's feet were heavily calloused with crevices running through the callouses as the Grand Canyon slices through the landscape.  Was I holding in my hands the feet of a Saint?  The feet of Jesus?  I hearkened back to Jesus washing the feet of the disciples.  Knowing that their feet too had many unprotected miles of servant love embedded deep in their landscapes.

As I reflect on the death of Duane I am always drawn to this moment in our ministries where we had the opportunity to wash each others feet.  I am drawn back to the servant life he lived.  I am drawn to his feet.  I am drawn to the landscape of the good servant who girded himself with a towel and washed their feet everyday. 

I believe I washed the feet of a Saint!

-Alan

A few words from Gary, a formerly #homeless brother

Much work to do in working with others: As I walked up onto the parking lot under I-35 @ 7th St. in Austin I saw a familiar sight, the crowd of distraught and worn faces of the homeless population which had gathered looking for a short breath of hope. Not very many had gathered this chilly cold morning, but it was evident they were searching for something. Some faces seemed familiar to me from days past, but they seemed unsure and showed caution as I approached. I shared my own plight and could sense  a slow lowering of that safety net shown earlier. I was at The Church Under The Bridge, a ministry supported by several Austin churches appropriately called Mission Possible!! You see, most everyone still harbors that conscience instinct to seek Hope from a Higher Power, something/ someone/ whatever it may be, they know there life today seems worthless, almost hopelessly unmanageable.
 
I noticed another familiar face I had only seen in photos, and when I approached and introduced myself, this individual also seemed unsure of who this was that just introduced themselves to him. Boldly I had shook his hand knowing this man himself had experienced miracles similar to my own, in that we both had experienced a type of Blessed recovery. His from physical ailment due to medical problems, mine physical due to addiction; both granted as gifts from a Higher Power. I let him know my name, in hope he would have recognize it since I had recently reconnected with a childhood friend we both knew, his wife Tami.
 
I soon spoke with Tami, as well, and she introduced us. But our purpose for the gathering was to connect to and pray with those previously mentioned at the moment of arrival here. Our reunion here was not for the purpose of socializing with each other, although we shared and prayed together, but to place the human connection of our God and Savior directly to those seeking that faint glimpse of Hope.
 

I continue to pray during meditation each day, "Lord, take me where you want me to go; Let me meet who You want me to meet; and place the words on my lips You want me to say to them.; Take my will and my life, teach me how to live, and guide me in my recovery." December 27,2009 - what a joyous reunion and meeting of old friends and new. No better birthday could 'I have had' during this season of celebration for the Birth of the Christ Child. Thank you Tami and Dennis for helping me to reconnect with my 'brothers and sisters' in Christ. Thank you Lord for providing what I prayed for "Your Will, not mine" and allowing me the chance to better serve You and them.

All my love,

Gary

Santa Brings Smiles

 

Many folks have asked me why I do what I do. This blog entry will show one of many reasons why. I flew back from a client site on Friday the 12 of December. I asked Elvis, a homeless man, to meet me at 7 PM at the park. It was our plan for Elvis to come over and do some painting and tile work at my house. Elvis stays in the pop-up camper in the yard while he is at my house. I landed earlier than I had expected and had time to kill, so I went to the park to say hello to my friends. Leta, one of the few homeless women I see, approached me with great joy. She wished me an early Merry Christmas and asked if I had sent my letter to Santa yet. She explained to me, even though she was 51 years old, she still believed in Santa. I asked Leta if she had sent Santa a letter and what she asked for. She explained she sent him a letter but never hears back from him. She does not remember ever asking for anything nor ever getting anything for Christmas but she really thought her Christmas prayer would be answered. I told Leta that I had an in for Santa Clause through Mrs. Clause.  I asked her if she had a letter for Santa that I could give to Mrs. Clause. She reached into her bag and pulled out her Christmas wish list and handed it to me. I told her I would do my best to get her letter to Santa. Recently I had a good friend who is struggling with his beliefs in God. I found these stories to be quite parallel. To my friend with doubts I quoted The same quote Jordan Shipley quoted Hunter Lawrence just before the game winning field goal in the big 12 Championship.

Jeremiah 17:7 

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

 

For my homeless friend Leta, I am hoping to bring her joy and grace with her special present from Santa.

Check out my blog site at http://www.shoulderthecross.typepad.com/ and my website at http://shoulderthecross.org/ God bless you all and Merry Christmas 

Life may not seem easy, But the solution is simple

I met Gary several years ago on a street corner.  He was panhandling to support his heroin addiction.  Coming up on a year he has been sober from this debilitating disease.  He now lives in one of our RV's that is part of our Habitat on Wheels program (www.mlfnow.org/HOW).  He is a guest blogger and he too is transforming the world one human at a time.

-Alan

   My name is Gary and I am a very grateful recovered Heroin addict. It is only by the Grace of a loving and forgiving God that I can say ‘that’ today, because left to my own decisions and free will I would still be suffering in the disease of addiction by using or no longer be here to share my story of recovery with others. Since November 1, 2008, I have not found it necessary to use heroin or other illegal drugs and only prescribed narcotic medication when necessary.
 
   The abstinence from heroin use has been a fairly simple decision for me given the knowledge of the harm and destruction it has caused me both physically and mentally. The diseases I created in my liver through precarious I.V. drug use over the last 38 years are evident in my physical appearance and my abilities today. Daily I awaken, and retire at night, with a feeling of lethargy. My ability to think with clarity and make decisions without hesitation has been affected. I refer to it as my “..foggy, drug – affected mind”.
 
   The mental anguish and humility create isolationism to not let others know I suffer like this, until I try to express or converse in detail. - i.e.: While I am clear at present what I want to say here and how I want to express it, I am reaching for the words that I could recall before by referring to a thesaurus. This is why sometimes it may take longer to write a simple letter. First, I want to say something exactly how I feel it and second, I do not want to say something that may be misunderstood and taken wrong. Anguish, humility, frustration and embarrassment are just some of the mental nuisances that create a feeling of guilt. Others may consider this commonplace in everyone’s life. The guilt is there for me because I know of the harm done to myself for continuing to use drugs and alcohol for so many years. When I do ‘get it right’, I allow my ego to take over and I have learned, in sobriety, this is just Edging God Out of the glory of my recovery.
  
    I only share all of this because I pray it may help others to think about the decision to use, or continue to use such toxins that will negatively affect them later in life; if it has not already. My God gave me the ability to love and share with others as a beacon of His love for them. The guilt and resentment created, by me, through long – term drug use reflected the wrong picture of my God’s reason for placing me in others lives, it has also left me feeling empty and alone in this world before now. I am grateful my God so loves me that today I have several individuals that express unconditional care and concern by trying to help me regain my direction in this life. I say “this life” because I feel this is only a temporary assignment until I fulfill God’s original intent, which was to live and share happiness with Him in Eternity.
 
    I write these contributions with the desire that others will become more understanding and compassionate to those suffering from addiction, and for those who have found recovery to be more empathetic to others that have reached the extremes of degradation I did. It took me a long time to reach this point in life to finally decide I was finished, but I know there is a reason I have suffered. If my suffering was nothing more than an example to show other addicts what would happen from continued drug use, or help others to see it more clearly, it is worth it to me. My God does not make mistakes. I have lived the life He intended for me from the day I was created, by Him. I will remain loyal to Him and walk the paths He places in front of me. I have not worked this program to perfection; I am making progress. I cannot expect to undo what I have done in almost 40 years of destruction in just a few short months. I have made some mistakes, but I am still sober and still learning.
 
   This morning I prayed to my God to give me the strength to carry on with the assignment He has given and the clarity to see it, without hesitating. I feel I can accomplish this by surrendering to His will for me daily and allowing Him to direct my life as He desires. No man has ever walked this earth and lived a perfect life. Even Jesus Christ questioned God why He would forsake Him, but submitted to His authority knowing it was God’s plan. I was created for His pleasure and I want to make Him happy. Because of the free will He has given me, I may be unsteady at times, but those individuals He placed in my life today I consider His angels. I know they have been sent here to guide me, as long as I let them.
 
   I pray somebody that reads this finds their God and takes the time to consider the path He has prepared for them. Decisions are not an easy task and they are a part of the free will we possess. But I hope, just for today, they reach deep in their heart and make the right decision. I thank the employees and volunteers of Mobile Loaves and Fishes for giving a human touch reflecting God’s love especially David, Kay, and Alan, and Austin Recovery for showing me, “I am not alone.”  The Solution? ; “Let go and let God.” I pray my God will continue to bless each and everyone with love, happiness, and understanding. He has me, “one day at a time”.
 
“ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference…”

~ gary

Iting Chu Admonishes Those with Much to Care (video blog)

Iting Chu of Chinese discent has been homeless for about a year but with the purpose to sharing her love for Christ with others. Listen to her read a powerful letter she wrote to those who have much.

Cry out to Jesus

Have you ever lost someone you love? How hard was it to accept? I find that so many of us want to blame someone or something for taking what we love from us. It is so hard to understand why this could be taken from us. Everything was going so good until this someone or something was taken from us. It reminds me of a "Third Day" song called "Cry Out to Jesus".

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus.

When Wayne, one of the homeless men I help, told me this morning that he lost his bible, it just crushed me. He said "Brian, I have lost both my Mom and Dad to death, I even had a brother die … losing my bible has hurt me more than all of these things combined." I was both honored and humbled at Wayne's request for me to give him another bible "To study His word" Wayne said. I am honored to call Wayne my friend. In closing today, I want to share something Wayne wrote to me. Please feel free to visit my other blog site.

Holy sprit that is in me, take me, lead me, to this my destiny
Feel me with thy love and kindness, to fight this evil that's in me
so help me carry your true knowledge, to all in there times of need
For when this my life's journeys ended, I'll have a place to rest in thee!
P.S. writing this to you has made me see that I cant give up on others so thanks for letting me write to you
- Wayne

1000 Pairs of Socks + Toiletries (Video Blog)

Mary Evans from St. Theresa's Catholic School brings to Mobile Loaves & Fishes over 1000 pairs of socks and several bags of collected toiletries collected during service week at the school.  I had the pleasure of speaking to all of the kids from the school and we talked about the importance of each of us giving a little and that if we do a lot can be done.  We call this the multiplication effect.  Also hear Fr. Jim Evans talk about the "Sock Hop" gospel.

-Alan