Mobile Loaves & Fishes Blog: More From Gary and His Recovery From Heroin & The Heart Connectors #homeless

We met Gary on the streets of Austin flying a sign a couple of years ago. Gary is a man of tremendous faith but was locked into a cycle of addiction for years...until his angels arrived. His panhandling signs always included scripture and in spite of the desperate nature of his addiction he always showed optimism. Charity is at the heart of justice because when you connect one human to another this is where the hearts can connect and justice allowed to flow freely. This is what Mobile Loaves & Fishes does so well...connect hearts. We are heart connectors!

-Alan

Happiest I have been in over 35 years…

“One day at a time” for 6 months now

My name is Gary and I am a recovered Heroin addict. My date of sobriety is November 1, 2008 and for that I am very grateful. I have been able to maintain staying free from using any type of alcohol or narcotics for the past 180 days, unless prescribed by a physician and even then I have turned down the option for pain medications that contain opiates. In my case, I feel the use of any opiate (prescribed or not) would trigger an allergic reaction in my mind that would give me the feeling I could use other opiates safely. I have observed such incidents occurring with other Heroin addicts in the past 6 months and feel I am as susceptible to this happening to me. I will admit I am very scared and have no desire to pick up where I left off.

You see, for me, there are no other options. I want to remain clean and sober, and alive. Approximately 160 days ago I was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cirrhosis, caused from acquiring “Type 3 hepatitis C” over 23 years ago and allowing it to go untreated. By the Grace of God, I am beginning treatment for the hepatitis in the next couple of weeks and the type I have is considered to be very receptive to the treatment of Interferon and Ribavirin. I will be receiving this medication for the next 6 months and have been advised by medical staff, as well as others, of the “horrors” and side effects that may occur during treatment. The best advice I have received was from a trusted “friend in recovery” that said with her experience she handled it “one day at a time”. Sounds like a good plan to me; one I can handle. When I complete the treatment, and if it is God’s will for me, the cirrhosis should be in arrest or to a point that it will not advance as rapidly.

Close to 40 years of “partying” (use of alcohol and drugs) or 6 months of working on recovering “one day at a time”. This is not even a tossup, I’ll take the 6 months of recovery, regardless of the daily work and effort to maintain sobriety and mental well – being. It hasn’t been a cup of tea, even a little scary at times, but I am “the happiest I have been in over 35 years” and maybe my life.

For an addict like me the work requires being honest with myself, and others, that I cannot control my addiction and it ‘screws’ my life up making it totally unmanageable, on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day. I also have to remember that I, nor any other human, was able to restore my life to a more normal, sane way of living; something else did that for me and I call that God. Every day I ask Him to, “take my will and my life, teach me how to live, and to guide me in my recovery”. Believe me; life gets a lot simpler relying on somebody else telling me what the next right thing is for me. I allow Him to take me where He wants me to go; to meet whoever He wants me to meet; and I ask Him to put the words on my lips that he wants me to say, every day. I have a lot less decisions to screw-up with my best thinking; after all, that best thinking is what I did for 40 years and look what that did for me. Allowing God to direct this show I call ‘Life’ gives me the mental peace and serenity to handle the challenges involved in playing my part in ‘Life”.

In the past 6 months, I have received several gifts I consider ‘miracles’ due to the Grace of my God: He sent Angels to my side when I was ready to give up altogether and they assisted me getting into recovery. These Angels advise and assist me to this day and they have become trusting friends. When I first met them I was a ‘junkie’ living on the streets for the previous three years. They did not judge me for who I was, only hearing my plea for help and seeing who I could be (a child of God). Jesus Christ told His disciples the only commandments we have to live by were: Put no other god before God in Heaven, and to love your brother as you love yourself. I have observed ‘my Angels’ living by these commands with everybody they come into contact with, not just me. ; My God helped me survive a scare when I was taken to the Emergency Room twenty days into recovery. I stayed in intensive care treatment for complications created by the cirrhosis that caused ascites, bleeding from my esophagus internally. My blood levels were diagnosed as being below dangerous levels and I received transfusions to bring them back to an acceptable level. I continue to take medications for these problems to this day. The manufacturer of the medication for the treatment I am about to begin has agreed to supply it free of charge ; My God helped me find the assistance to return to another 28 days of treatment because he knew I was not ready to work a program of recovery on my own, despite the fact that I felt I knew what I needed to do in order to stay clean. ; My God allowed me to meet another addict in recovery that agreed to help me work the 12-step program of recovery that has been significant in helping me maintain sobriety for now over 6 months. That addict that helps me, my sponsor, has become a very close and caring friend; but he is able to set our friendship aside when it comes to working on my recovery. ; My God helped me to be accepted to live in a clean and sober living environment by an individual in recovery that was patiently willing to allow me to ‘take care of my business’, until I was able to support myself and repay them for allowing me to reside there. I have assisted her for some time now by acting as a House Manager / or Coordinator. This residence gives me an opportunity to interact with other addicts in recovery and share with them what has worked for me for 6 months. ; My God, in a similar sense, has introduced me to the fellowship of Heroin Anonymous and my new found friends (junkies like me) share our experiences and strengths in the hope of helping each other stay clean and sober. We share with others in order to find, or help them find, the solutions necessary to deal with ‘life on life’s terms’. ; And even though I may not be medically able to work a job that is physically demanding, my God helped me find a position I could handle on a temporary basis. That position ended on April 15 of this year, however it gave me the confidence to know I could support myself and I have no fear or insecurity because my God continues to provide all my needs. ; One of my Angels shared my story with his dentist, and that dentist is providing me with much needed dental work due to years of negligence and damage caused by my addiction. The Angels my God placed in my life have also given me gifts I needed which include transportation (a new beach cruiser – bicycle) and the computer (my first very own) I am currently using. ; And as of two weeks ago, my God allows me to share my story with others in the Detox facility at Austin Recovery (my Alma Mata of recovery, www.austinreovery.org), in order to give back what was so freely given to me, during a time for others when they are at a critical point of deciding if they are ready to do whatever it takes to change their life.

I consider all of these occurrences as ‘miracles’ provided by the God of my understanding simply because I have become willing to live by His will for my life and not the will dictated by my disease of addiction. For everything I have received from my God during the past 6 months I am grateful. In 52 years of life He has not forsaken me, regardless of the paths I took. He has kept me close and always been at my side. This Sunday May 3, 2009 I will have to forgo my chance to share in Detox and I will be attending a Speaker meeting with my Austin Recovery alumni, in order to receive a marble that symbolizes 6 months of remaining clean and sober. On that day, God willing, I will have been clean for 6 months and 4 days. I have received a different size or color of marble for every milestone since initially expressing the desire to try this simple program ‘one day at a time’ and I have not lost any of my marbles yet!

If only one other individual still suffering from addiction recognizes anything in my story that sounds similar to theirs just understand one thing, today I am the happiest I have been in over 35 years and you can experience that happiness also! Let go and let God... may you find Him now and give him your will and your life, as I did.

5 Comments

Gary, this is inspiring. God is wonderful. I pray your journey into Christ and victory over addiction will take you places you've never dreamed of. God Bless You.

Posted by: John Lunt | May 14, 2009 at 07:13 AM